Stop Over-Explaining: Here’s What to Do Instead!

Over-explaining: we’ve all done it. Whether you’re clarifying why you bought oat milk instead of almond, or dissecting the historical relevance of that random TikTok you sent your partner, you might find yourself explaining, and explaining… and explaining some more. But here’s the tea: over-explaining doesn’t always land the way we hope it will.

So, how do you strike a balance? How do you say enough to be understood, without turning every chat into a TED Talk? If you’re seeking a happy, harmonious marriage, inspired by the peaceful vibes of Buddhist wisdom (or just plain good common sense), you’re in the right place. Let’s explore why over-explaining happens and what to do instead.

Why Do We Over-Explain?

First, let’s understand the urge. Over-explaining often stems from anxiety, perfectionism, or a desire to avoid conflict. We’re afraid of being misunderstood, so we pile on the words, hoping to cover every angle. Ironically, the more we explain, the more our partner might tune us out or feel overwhelmed.

Buddhist philosophy reminds us to pause and reflect on our intentions. Are we speaking out of fear or a need to control? If yes, it’s time to reframe the way we communicate. After all, words are like salt: too much ruins the soup, but just enough brings out the flavor.

The Over-Explaining Trap in Relationships

Imagine this:

You: “I’m sorry I didn’t text you back earlier. I was busy at work, and then I stopped by the grocery store because we were out of avocados, and there was this long line…”

Your Partner: blank stare “It’s fine. I wasn’t worried.”

When we over-explain, we’re trying to reassure ourselves more than the other person. Instead, it’s better to trust that your partner, someone who loves and respects you, gets it. Less is often more.

What to Do Instead: The Art of Mindful Communication

Here are five practical tips to replace over-explaining with mindful, effective communication:

1. Pause Before You Speak

Take a deep breath. Literally. In Buddhism, mindful breathing is a gateway to clarity. Before launching into a monologue, ask yourself, What’s my main point? Often, a single sentence will do. For example:

Over-Explaining: “I didn’t have time to do the laundry because my meeting ran late, and then the dog needed a walk, and…”

Mindful Version: “I’ll fold the laundry tomorrow, I ran out of time today.”

Simple. Honest. Done.

2. Embrace Silence

In American culture, we often rush to fill silences. But Buddhist wisdom teaches us that silence can be golden. Instead of explaining every decision, let your actions or a shared glance speak for themselves. If your partner needs clarification, they’ll ask.

3. Use “I Feel” Statements

Over-explaining can dilute emotional honesty. Rather than building a verbal labyrinth, get straight to the heart of the matter. For example:

Over-Explaining: “I was upset because when you didn’t call, I thought maybe you were too busy for me, and I started overthinking…”

Mindful Version: “I felt a little hurt when you didn’t call. Can we talk about it?”

This approach invites connection without overwhelming your partner.

4. Trust Your Partner

Over-explaining often signals a lack of trust, not in your partner’s intentions, but in their ability to understand. Trust that they can grasp the gist without a play-by-play. Instead of elaborating on why you chose sushi for dinner, just say, “I thought sushi would be fun tonight. What do you think?”

5. Practice Gratitude and Acceptance

Sometimes, we over-explain to manage outcomes. But a happy marriage isn’t about controlling every detail; it’s about embracing life’s imperfections. Express gratitude for your partner’s patience and remind yourself that you don’t need to “win” every conversation. As the Buddha said, “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”

When Over-Explaining Feels Necessary

There are moments when details matter. Maybe you’re resolving a misunderstanding or explaining a life-changing decision. In these cases:

• Keep your tone calm and kind.
• Focus on facts, not assumptions.
• Check in with your partner: “Is this making sense? Do you want me to elaborate?”

Remember, clarity beats quantity every time.

The Joy of Simplicity in Marriage

Living a happy, harmonious life together doesn’t require constant verbal acrobatics. By letting go of over-explaining, you’ll create space for laughter, understanding, and meaningful connection.

Picture this: instead of a convoluted explanation about why you were late, you just say, “Sorry I’m late. Traffic was wild!” Then, you both move on to enjoy dinner. Easy, breezy, and, most importantly, happy.

As you practice mindful communication, you’ll find that your words become more powerful, your silences more meaningful, and your relationship more peaceful. After all, isn’t that the dream?

So, next time you catch yourself gearing up for an epic explanation, stop. Take a breath. And remember: love is simple, even if life isn’t.