How Self-Care Saved My Marriage, and It Can Save Yours Too!

Marriage is often described as a journey, and if you’ve been on this ride long enough, you know it’s not always a smooth cruise along a scenic highway. Sometimes it’s a bumpy off-road adventure with surprise potholes, unexpected detours, and the occasional flat tire. And you know what? That’s okay! Because as my Buddhist teacher once said, “Even the road to enlightenment has traffic jams.”

I want to share how self-care not only helped my marriage survive the rough patches but also thrive in ways I never imagined. Spoiler alert: It’s not just bubble baths and yoga classes (although, let’s be honest, those are great too).

The Wake-Up Call

A few years into our marriage, my partner and I hit a rough spot. We were constantly busy, work, kids, chores, errands. You name it, we were doing it. But amidst all the chaos, we forgot one crucial thing: ourselves.

One evening, during a rare moment of quiet, my husband looked at me and said, “I feel like we’re roommates, not soulmates anymore.” Ouch. That hit harder than my failed attempt at making vegan sushi last week.

It was a wake-up call. Something had to change, and that something started with me.

Self-Care

The Buddhist Way.

In Buddhism, there’s a concept called “metta,” or loving-kindness, and it starts with yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup, as the saying goes, and let me tell you, my cup was bone dry. So, I decided to embark on a self-care journey, not just for me but for our marriage.

Here’s what worked for us and might just work for you too:

1. Meditation

Finding My Inner Zen.

I started small with just five minutes a day, focusing on my breath and letting go of the endless to-do list in my head. Over time, those five minutes turned into 20, and I began to notice a shift. I was less reactive, more patient, and dare I say it, happier.

When I shared my newfound Zen with my husband, he joined in. Now, we meditate together every morning. It’s like a mini retreat for our minds, setting a calm and loving tone for the day.

2. Date Nights

Rekindling the Spark.

We made a pact: one night a week, no kids, no work, no distractions. Just us. Sometimes it’s a fancy dinner; other times, it’s pizza and a movie on the couch. The key is being fully present with each other. No phones, no multitasking. Just love, laughter, and maybe a little wine.

3. Communication

The Art of Listening.

Self-care isn’t just about pampering yourself; it’s also about creating a space for open and honest communication. We started a nightly ritual where we’d each share three things:

• One thing we’re grateful for
• One thing that made us happy that day
• One thing we’d like to improve (without pointing fingers!)

This practice has brought us closer, helping us understand each other’s needs and emotions.

4. Alone Time

Because Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder.

As much as we love spending time together, we’ve learned the importance of having our own hobbies and interests. I took up painting (even though my “art” looks like it belongs in a kindergarten classroom), and my husband rediscovered his love for hiking.

Having time apart to recharge makes our time together even more special. Plus, it gives us new things to talk about over dinner!

5. Practicing Gratitude

Every night before bed, we take a moment to express gratitude for each other. It could be something big, like supporting each other through tough times, or something small, like making the morning coffee. This simple act has shifted our focus from what’s wrong to what’s right in our relationship.

The Results? A Marriage That Feels Like Home

Over time, these self-care practices transformed our marriage. We’re not just partners; we’re a team, best friends, and yes, still a little obsessed with each other. (Cue the cheesy rom-com music.)

Now, don’t get me wrong, we’re not perfect. We still argue over whose turn it is to do the dishes and occasionally binge-watch Netflix instead of meditating. But the difference is, we’ve built a foundation of love and respect that keeps us grounded, even during life’s inevitable storms.

Your Turn

Embrace Self-Care.

If you’re feeling stuck in your marriage, I encourage you to give self-care a try. Start small. Maybe it’s a five-minute meditation, a heartfelt compliment, or a quiet cup of tea by yourself. Remember, self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential.

As the Buddha said, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” And when you give yourself that love, it overflows into your marriage, your family, and beyond.

So go ahead, fill your cup, light a candle, and maybe even run that bubble bath. Your marriage (and your soul) will thank you.